Episode 3: Raising Resilient Kids - How Martial Arts Builds Confidence and Courage

Parenting in today's world is rife with new challenges. With schoolwork, technology, and stress, children require more than enjoyable things. They need discipline, structure, and confidence that will last well past the doors of the schoolroom.

In this episode of the SwiftKick Martial Arts Podcast, Owner Brian Cowell and Head Instructor Coach Smith from the Rancho Bernardo studio dive deep into how martial arts training helps children build real-world resilience. They discuss the SwiftKick method, a unique approach practiced in both Rancho Bernardo and Carlsbad, that turns movement into mindfulness and training into transformation.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

The 3 Core Values of SwiftKick Martial Arts: Discipline (controlling yourself), Honor (serving others), and Courage (overcoming fears in confidence).

How martial arts develops focus, respect, and emotional control. Important skills that lead to better behavior and better performance at school.

Why courage does not equal fearlessness, it's learning to "do it scared," transforming fear into confidence.

The connection between sparring, grit, and problem-solving, abilities that shape leadership and emotional intelligence.

How martial arts principles can be brought home by parents to empower kids to respond mindfully instead of react impulsively.

Martial Arts and Emotional Resilience

Coach Smith explains that courage begins with little, daily habits like standing tall, loud speaking, and composure in the midst of chaos. Habituated again and again, those tendencies condition children to respond wisely rather than riskily. At SwiftKick, students learn that each barrier to learning, like perfecting a kick or managing frustration, is a crucible for change.

Brian Cowell shares anecdotal testimony from class regarding how the students at SwiftKick build inner strength and humility through actual feedback, toughness, and camaraderie. When they attain their higher belts, students are not just moving better physically, they're demonstrating leadership, empathy, and self-control at school and at home.

Fear to Confidence: Learning from the Dojo

The episode features the powerful lesson, “You’re going to do it scared.” It’s a message every parent in San Diego can relate to: courage isn’t about removing fear, but learning to act with confidence despite it. This mindset shift helps children face everything from tests and sports to social challenges with maturity and poise.

With martial arts, kids realize their biggest enemy is not someone outside, it is their fear. The dojo is an environment where that fear may be faced safely, fall down,

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Transcript

00;00;04;51 - 00;00;09;35
Hey, everyone, this is Brian Cowell Owner of Swift Kick Martial Arts. Welcome to the Swift Kick podcast

00;00;09;35 - 00;00;18;31
I'm here with Coach Smith, our head instructor of our ranch brand facility. We kind of been talking about some of the different unique things that we do, here at Swift Kick and what what?

00;00;18;31 - 00;00;42;52
We utilize martial arts as a vehicle to help develop the some of the internal and mental aspects that we believe are critical for today's world with our kids. It's true with adults, too. We've been talking a little bit about emotional resilience. Really, really broad topic that kind of encompasses a lot of different skill sets that we teach, kids and that kids need to have in order to employ and to develop that emotional resilience.

00;00;42;57 - 00;01;06;42
In the last episode, we talked about how we can summarize some of the training that we do, into sections of developing discipline and developing honor. And I can guarantee you those two aspects are going to be critical, pieces of the formula to help develop emotional resilience and, coaching. Today I was going to start talking about the third component that we kind of incorporate, which is courage.

00;01;06;47 - 00;01;28;33
So why don't you going to lead us off on that? Yeah. So, I like to summarize the first two before I start for the third one is because discipline I think I mentioned in the last episode was about mastering yourself. Yeah. Honor is about serving others. The final one, courage is broken into three areas.

00;01;28;38 - 00;01;54;40
Again an outward weight of practice. It the way to continue growing in it and then ultimately what you're actually trying to become. And that first one is assertiveness. Right. Taking the outward signs of I don't feel confident in here. Yep. In fact, most of us I think a lot of the time have moments where we're like, don't feel super confident about this.

00;01;54;40 - 00;02;17;37
And it's more about the outward signs of practicing it. Yep. I'm choosing to act confident to do the right thing. That's how we describe it to students. Yeah. And we give them specific tools, and then they practice it in drills and in games. Make it really simple, like, okay. Shoulders back. Chin up. I straight forward.

00;02;17;42 - 00;02;37;20
You're confident with your body. You're confident with your eyes and you're confident with your voice. Right. So in the little kids class you're like all right, you know, think of an animal that you think is like big and strong and you're like they're like lion, dragon, chinchilla. And I'm like, not that one. But we we pick an animal that has some feel like they can channel the image.

00;02;37;21 - 00;03;02;51
Yeah, because that's what the service is. Confidence is. I'm trying to show something I don't always feel sure. Yeah, and it leads into the next step which is perseverance. Again I think this and humility and discipline I think you hear over and over again in any martial art city you go to. But what we're specifically talking about perseverance is there's the negative you hear all the time which is never give up.

00;03;02;56 - 00;03;24;48
But something we try to move away from because it focuses us on the wrong thing. Giving up is it's overcoming challenges. Yep. Taking a step to go okay. Here's my obstacle. How do I get over it. Threw it around it under it. You know solve this problem. Yeah. And we deal with that in sparring every single time you get punched in the face, every time someone's punching at you.

00;03;24;48 - 00;03;51;56
Like we talked about in the last episode. But I think the the heart of it. And again, we kind of get a little deeper. The perseverance is we're not just talking about the physical thing anymore of what you're doing or why you're doing it. It's what does it actually change in you and and perseverance and courage starts teaching us that challenges are crucibles for us to grow and become better, or they break us and we can learn from it.

00;03;52;01 - 00;04;13;15
But it's one of those two things. The third option is not an option, right? It's a crucible that breaks us and we learn from it. Crucible. We go stronger from. Yeah, or a crucible that we shy away from and don't grow. And that was not an option, is I told students, yeah, if that's your option then you're never going to be brave, which is the final piece of courage, the inward strength to face our fears.

00;04;13;16 - 00;04;29;06
Yeah. Not pretend they don't exist. Not be like, oh, I'm not afraid of this thing. Another example from my son recently. The bravery is one he struggled with a lot. He doesn't, you know, every single I'm like, I do like, he's like, I gotta go potty. I'm like, I do bathrooms right there. You know what to do.

00;04;29;06 - 00;04;49;13
And he's like, I'm too scared. I'm too scared. And I'm like, all right, well, you're going to do it. Scared. Yeah. You're going to do it scared. And I was like you know how to turn the light. You know, you know I go to the bathroom, you know I do those things I'm like at least once a day because he's four, I'm like you got to practice at least once a day on your own.

00;04;49;18 - 00;05;10;39
I'm not going to help you. Yeah. Sometimes I'll come with you. But right now I'm not, you know, and sometimes we have to do stuff. Scared still, But I think over time, what courage ultimately teaches us is there's this valor of our heart that grows with each time we face that challenge, whether it breaks us or strengthens us.

00;05;10;44 - 00;05;28;25
Right? Just like when we do push ups, I tell the students, right. You do a push up, it sucks. You get stronger, your muscles break down, and the next time you do push ups a tiny bit easier sometimes. And ultimately it's so you can hit harder. Yeah. And that's what crucibles do for us is they break us down.

00;05;28;30 - 00;05;48;57
Sometimes they just break us. Sometimes they break us and build us up. But either way we're getting a tiny bit stronger for the next challenge. Yep. And one of the ways that really plays out, especially they get older, they start seeing this more and more versus just like the very obvious way of like, you know, push ups. Is inspiring when we hit that place of fear.

00;05;49;02 - 00;06;10;05
It all rises up to the surface. Any martial artist in the world can attest to this that's ever been punched in the face or done sparring of any medium contact level or even a light contact level. Sometimes as you get to your deeper emotions, your base emotions. Yeah. Very cool. So fast of I want to run away.

00;06;10;07 - 00;06;33;24
Yep. I freeze up. I don't want to do anything. Yeah. On a curb and a ball right where I am. Or I, you know, Hulk out. Yep. And I go crazy on my partner. And I know for myself I've experienced all of those in different situations for different reasons. Yeah. All the time. And I think it's one thing that's so frustrating for students, especially the teens, as I get older and they're like I wonder when they don't see it they don't care.

00;06;33;29 - 00;06;49;33
They're like I don't care if I hulk out. Isn't that good for me? And I'm like, all right, I'll get safer when I hulk out. And I'm like, all right, dude, I got, you'll learn, you'll learn. It's not as safe. Sometimes it's it's an instinct. And that's the sure part is like, yeah, it's a base instinct for a reason.

00;06;49;33 - 00;07;05;56
It's to protect you. Yeah. Right. But the thing is, we have to untrain those things so that we can respond instead of react. That's a phrase I like to use a lot because it helps us start to get a picture of like I'm not, you know, you throw a pen at me and I can react or I can respond.

00;07;06;01 - 00;07;31;48
And you know ultimately those words basically mean the same thing. But I think the idea what we're talking about is what we're talking about with difficult challenges where we can react. I'm going fight mode, I'm going flight mode or I'm going freeze mode. And I refer to it as intelligent reaction before intelligent reaction. So it's like you're building it rather than just doing what your body responds to do.

00;07;31;49 - 00;07;49;14
Yes. You're a little bit more in control to to guide it to what it's responses. Right. So you're more intelligent and that becomes more of an embodied response. Yeah. Over time. Yes. Through practice, you know, because just like you said, I, I've been teaching for a long time. So you hear people go, oh, if I ever have to defend myself, I'll just rage out.

00;07;49;15 - 00;08;04;41
Yeah. Yeah. Well, well, you don't know, you know, you don't know. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. Yeah. And maybe if you do, maybe that's not the right response, right. You know, because raging out isn't always the right response. What's the intelligent response here. Right. You know, if there's six guys and you gas yourself out on the first one, right?

00;08;04;45 - 00;08;26;44
Or they know anything at all and you go crazy and they just duck and uppercut you because you're doing this right, you know, like, that's not good. You know, and then from a from a self-defense aspect, it's obviously bad. I think. Right. And and personally, I think the, I think it hits hits me really deep because I think I used to freeze or run away when I first started sparring.

00;08;26;44 - 00;08;44;07
Like, I remember being like a brown belt and I was like, start sparring. I, you know, I go like this and be like, whack, whack. Well, I just wouldn't do anything or I'd like, you know, back up a lot. And, and I remember time like I was just doing like 18 stomp jabs over and over again. I just like what's happening I don't know.

00;08;44;12 - 00;09;02;58
But when I became an adult and I started training, I noticed I actually had the fight one come up a lot. Some would hit me and I wouldn't hurt them. Because usually it was guys three times my size and they, they, they would just grab my head or snap me to the ground or whatever.

00;09;02;58 - 00;09;21;39
But holding hold back. Yeah exactly. But you got to do so it's silly. Silly that I was doing it, but I what upset me more in the moment is after that I and be like, that's not the kind of person I want to be. Right. I don't want to be someone. When someone in life punches me in the face.

00;09;21;44 - 00;09;41;57
You know, whether they're like sliding me or stepping on me in a way that hurts my feelings or affects my life or hurt someone I care about. I don't want to be someone who responds by doing nothing. By someone as someone who runs away from the problem, or is someone who just starts attacking the other person, right?

00;09;42;00 - 00;10;10;38
I think we see that a lot in, in so many areas of life and I, I, I, I love that what we're teaching give students a very contextual way to see that we're taking that threshold of we call that survival mode in class. Right. That unintentional fearlessness. Yep. And we're trying to make the threshold of before we get there.

00;10;10;51 - 00;10;28;55
Yep. Be like, you do it very intentionally. You're kind of trying to find new ways to do it. Yeah. You're thinking longer term, your strategy and then intentional thoughtlessness. Yeah. We're trying to increase that threshold of intentional thoughtlessness where I don't have to act. Yeah. And think about. Oh, you said something to me. How do I want to respond here?

00;10;28;57 - 00;10;46;00
Yeah. Which is good to start, but eventually I want to just be. I just want to. I want my reaction to be intentional. Yes. Thoughtlessness. Yeah. You know where I'm in that performance mindset? Not 24 seven. But I don't have to think about worrying about dipping into survival mode. And that's what we're training is that pressure gets bigger and bigger.

00;10;46;00 - 00;11;04;09
And that's so frustrating. Even at an intermediate advanced levels because that we all still have it. It's not gone. Yeah. We always have something to be afraid of. Yeah. It's just if we're going to choose to act with that fear. And I think that what we're doing, martial arts, is building a healthier relationship around here. Yeah. So a lot of people are fear avoidant.

00;11;04;14 - 00;11;14;59
Right. If you have a fear then you don't want to do it. Some people for example let's just use martial arts as the is the example. Well I don't want to get on the mat because I don't want to hit because I'm scared of it, you know. Or I don't want to get I don't want to wrestle.

00;11;14;59 - 00;11;34;34
I don't want to deal with that, you know? Or they're they're reacting aggressive from a place of fear. I'm just going to do this, you know, or. Yeah. Or they have anxiety all associated with fear. Well, fear is just a part of the process. So if we can develop a healthy relationship with fear, if we can understand that, you know, for your four year old son, if he's going to the bathroom and he and he's going to do it scared, that's okay.

00;11;34;43 - 00;11;53;46
Because there's a lot of things in life that we're going to need to do that are scary. And that fear may not go away, right? But instead of avoiding it or responding aggressively to it or, having a ton of anxiety over it, we can learn just embrace it as a part and use almost in a, you know, an odd way, almost weaponize it in a positive way.

00;11;53;48 - 00;12;13;49
Yeah. So would you say this serves as some helpful motivation for doing what I'm doing? I'm going to have a healthy relationship with fear right now and move forward and do things. There's a couple other things that are interesting that you mentioned too, is I actually feel like we can you can know who someone is and how they respond to stuff in life by watching them for their first sparring match or their first grappling match.

00;12;13;53 - 00;12;33;19
Are they aggressive? Are they are they passive? Are they? Do they freeze? Do they run? Do they, do they freeze? Do they fight? And when you get a more well trained mindset like say, a more well trained martial artist, right. You start to see them respond to though that fight or flight response very differently. Yeah. Right. So true.

00;12;33;24 - 00;12;53;00
There there seems to be a calmness in the storm. Right. And so it's a developed thing. It's a developed thing. And so I can say for myself personally that like using the analogy of sparring or grappling, in a, in a, when I'm referring to sparring, you spar when you're grappling too, but I'm talking about punching.

00;12;53;00 - 00;13;14;05
So, yeah, whether we're boxing, kickboxing or we're grappling, you know, the experiences associated with that are very similar to the experiences that you associate with, like, challenges in life and how to overcome those challenges. Yeah. And kind of you said it earlier. Anything in life I tell with students of perseverance, anything in life worth having or getting is going to take hard work.

00;13;14;06 - 00;13;36;01
Yeah. And I think a lot of times we're in the society where we want a quick response, but really it's not a just about achieving that degree or achieving the belt or achieving whatever it is. The achievements are great and I'm glad, you know, hey, collect as many achievements as you want. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Does say something about your character, but what you said it's the transformation and pursuing the achievement, right?

00;13;36;03 - 00;13;54;14
That really is the true gift. Yeah, that's so true. So we tell students you don't earn a black belt. You become one right. So it's the transformation. So if I were to hand you a belt you know let's say we take a student right. Take our kids. Right. Okay. You know. All right. Here here's this. Here's your black belt.

00;13;54;14 - 00;14;11;39
All right. You can buy it online. It doesn't mean anything. It's not the achievement that really create right creates value. You could say there's one component of it. Sure. Okay. Let's just use that example. My six year old's a black belt now. Great. Good achievement. I'm sure that that child had to work for it. Right. To some extent.

00;14;11;48 - 00;14;34;09
But the reality is is the real achievement is the journey, right? Is the journey and the transformation. I was just thinking about that because you hear that phrase a lot. I think in a lot of places, but especially martial arts, the like the it's not the destination is the journey. And I think it's one of those phrases that simplifies it too much because it's true.

00;14;34;10 - 00;14;55;07
It's not the achievement at the end of the journey. The destination. But it's also not just the journey. Like if you're never you know you can if you're stuck on step one for years and years and years and years and years and you're never making any growth. Right. Or it's not just growing. Growing isn't the goal itself.

00;14;55;12 - 00;15;17;25
Right. You do have a this is where I want to be. Yeah. Internally which is the destination. Yeah. And so you're right. It's the transformation at the end of the journey. Right. Which in some ways is the journey right. Which is I think a more accurate like analogy would be it's not the destination. It's the transformation through the journey.

00;15;17;25 - 00;15;40;39
Right? It's the process of going on the journey and becoming something else. Yeah. I think, like you see that in myths all the time and like, you know, a different story, classic hero stories where it's like, oh, you know, went on the journey and you realized you were a different person at the end of the journey, and that was actually the whole point, you know, to the things that, you know, as parents, I've actually said this before to, parents.

00;15;40;39 - 00;15;59;08
And it's hard because as parents, we want to, you know, when we see our kids struggle with something that they're afraid of, right? Or we see them struggling through that perseverance, we want to easily pull that because we want to take that pain away from them. Right. Right. We want to take the pain away. One of avoid the that thing.

00;15;59;08 - 00;16;12;36
But that pain is going to help them grow. Yeah. And we want to do it in a small way. Sometimes it's the simple part you want to push up. You know, or, whatever it might be. But that's going to be the transformation process that they need. So we don't want to take that away from them as a parent.

00;16;12;36 - 00;16;31;05
Right? We want them to experience that, to be honest. And we just want to experience in a healthy way. Right. There can be healthy and unhealthy ways to experience that. Absolutely. You can have a very unhealthy environment, whether it's right, you know, martial arts or, some sort of sport or activity where it's really not developing these skills.

00;16;31;05 - 00;16;51;27
Right? It actually might be counter productive. It might be developing the opposite because they don't have a healthy way of interacting with winning and losing. They don't have a healthy way of interacting with that transformation internally. Right. They're not really developing those skills. They might be developing different, different things. Right. You know, but in in Swift Kick, that's why we want to have that process.

00;16;51;32 - 00;17;09;50
It's it's over time. We're building that one piece of the Lego, like we said, to help kids get to where they're at. Like okay, a little bit of exposure. So if we notice a kid is super scared, then we want to help them just to get confident or the one not forward. Right. We notice the kid seems that doesn't have a lot of fear.

00;17;09;54 - 00;17;30;11
Yeah. We want to help them go to the next step with with taking risks, but maybe do it also in an intelligent way. Right. Maybe thinking about the consequence of those actions. Right. So it's like this is this is the thing. And and here's the other thing that we talk about as coaches too. You may have heard me say this, that coaches us as coaches and as parents.

00;17;30;15 - 00;17;47;26
We want to teach the student to be the hero of their own story. Okay. What that means is we don't want to step in and be their hero as much as we want to as coaches. We want to do that too. Sometimes we see the student having a hard times. Let's remove them from that situation right. Let's protect them.

00;17;47;26 - 00;18;09;01
Right. But they need to learn how to protect themselves, right? That's where the true power is. Right. So we our job is to guide. So, in a silly analogy, I'll say, were the Yoda were Yoda guiding Luke Skywalker? Yeah. Right. Yoda could step in and fight the battle, but he might be the more powerful. He's the teacher or whatever it might be, but Luke has to go through that journey himself.

00;18;09;01 - 00;18;29;33
So yeah, and a silly, silly example. You know, that's the same story, you silly, about Star Wars. Necessarily little Star Wars, or maybe plenty of things are who you ask. That the reality is, is like as parents and as coaches and this is what we're doing, is we want to teach the kids to be the hero of their own story.

00;18;29;38 - 00;18;47;17
Okay. We want to teach them to be empowering themselves and not have us be the ones that has to come to the rescue, because there's going to be a point in time where parents aren't always there, right, coach isn't there. This is what gives them that true resilience that we're talking about. Absolutely. They have then the confidence to do this on their own.

00;18;47;17 - 00;19;09;58
Right. And that's the key component. But it doesn't happen overnight. That's so true. And I think I think it's it's it's easy to be like, oh I want them. At least I feel like as a parent I end up looking at that myself too and be like, I want them to go be courageous and adventurous and, you know, without fear, completely and able to do things really well.

00;19;09;59 - 00;19;24;50
And the requires me to be a little more hands off. Sure. And my own fear is like, well, my what? I don't want to be complete hands off. Like I want to be, you know, I'm still there and I'm supporting them, and I love them. And that's why I think martial arts as a community is also so amazing.

00;19;24;50 - 00;19;39;32
And what we do at circuit is we have that. You're not doing stuff by yourself. That's why I encourage and to talk with each other when they're putting each other in the face, when they're throwing each other under the mat as hard as they can and are like, hey, are you okay? Like, because they're filming a little slower, you know, actually care about each other.

00;19;39;37 - 00;20;02;15
It's not just about winning and losing, and they're trying to become that hero. Not with their partner being their enemy, right? But their own battles inside is the enemy. Yes. My own fear is the enemy. In a sense, yes. You know, but really me. Not my fear. Me running away, hiding or holding out is my enemy.

00;20;02;20 - 00;20;26;06
And that's my battle. Every time I put my gloves on and spar someone. And that's the battle. I think these, you see, these young kids start working on these teams and these adults start working on. And then as they get closer to black belt, you see this huge transformation of they get punched in the face six, seven times by that, you know, the the trial guy came in and, you know, I was whopping up, black was having an off day or whatever.

00;20;26;06 - 00;20;48;26
And they're like, cool, let's go again. Yeah. Let's keep sparring. I'm fine. Yeah. Not like like pushing aside what they're feeling, you know, because we all have egos. Yeah. But letting their ego be somewhere else and be like, this isn't just me getting me having an off day, me getting punched in the face and not slipping that punch in time doesn't suddenly mean I'm suddenly worthless.

00;20;48;28 - 00;21;09;14
Right. Doesn't mean I'm suddenly no longer martial artists, are no longer a black belt. Just means I'm having an off day. It doesn't affect my confidence or my self-esteem. Yep. And part of that is because they know they have coaches who are like, you've become this. Yes, I'm. I see the change in you. Yes. You are this now.

00;21;09;20 - 00;21;26;13
Yes. You're not what you were before. It's their peers being like, dude, every time I spar you, you get harder and harder and they're talking to each other like that. And you especially, you see that probably the most in the adult class more and more because, you know, there are adults who have that kind of community still down.

00;21;26;14 - 00;21;44;49
Yeah, but that's what we're teaching to the young kids too, is like, don't tell your partner, okay, we're going to pause the round, tell your partner one thing they did well, right. Give them one piece of constructive criticism or like, hey, here's something you could do a little better. But in a positive way. Not like your hands are down you know.

00;21;44;49 - 00;21;57;43
And then I'm like don't talk that way. That's not nice. You know like not being courteous. So we just talk about but like hey you know what I notice here, when you punch me, you start to drop your hands a little bit. You should try to keep your hands up a little higher when you're trying to punch me.

00;21;57;47 - 00;22;25;13
Not putting me down. It's helping them grow. Right. And letting them come alongside each other. Yeah. And then they sharpen each other sharpening as they all get better. And they have this backing where they're like I know who I am because it's been confirmed by my peers. And by my influences like my coaches and I like I feel that internal kids where I'm like they can feel it internally.

00;22;25;15 - 00;22;48;50
Exactly. And they should know and I know that I know every parent knows this. And I know every parent tries to communicate this. But going up over the top and be like, I love you no matter what you do. Oh, not that you can do whatever you want to do because you're ten or you're five. You know, but that you succeed or fail.

00;22;48;50 - 00;23;05;31
My love is not changing for you. And you get hit in the face. I'm not going to suddenly stop loving you. Like. Right. You know when, when you don't get up again and you run away from the problem I'm gonna keep loving you. And then I tell them that in class I'm like, your parents are going to love you no matter what you do.

00;23;05;36 - 00;23;23;51
And so you can move forward with more confidence knowing that that's why they are disciplining you. That's why they're asking you to be honorable and face problems courageously because they have a perspective. You don't. And it's going to bring you into someone who's more confident and able to face all these challenges that they know is hard.

00;23;23;51 - 00;23;43;07
And they're still working on too. Yep. And I've seen a class where I talk about that. And I see even in the kids who are like eight and maybe they're not, you know, a little of a space cadet sometimes, and they're kind of in another class. We hit that, and I see it finally resonates with them one week.

00;23;43;14 - 00;24;06;11
Yeah. They leave class and I saw him run over to his dad, give me a huge hug. And this is a kid who struggles discipline like every class. He needs reminders. He needs conversations on. This is a lesson. Well, I do need to talk to you. I, I know he gives you a hard time in class. It was not magic what I deal with at home.

00;24;06;16 - 00;24;25;07
But I saw him run over to his dad after class. No tears in his eyes. We're talking about why it's important to obey your parents. Because he cares about them. Your dad cares about you. And he remembers I give a hug and it's out of him. He's like what do you do.

00;24;25;12 - 00;24;39;48
You know like what is, what is going on right now. Like what? What's like why why is this happening? I'm like, he needed a reminder. Yeah. That you care about him? Yeah. And that's no false dad. Like, this is a great dad. Like he. I hear how he talks to the kids every single day, you know, like he's a loving dad.

00;24;39;48 - 00;25;02;08
But it was it was that reminder from both sides that, like, my self-esteem. It's something I need to understand, but it has to get reaffirmed by people around me, by people who have authority. And you know that that makes the world of difference. And that's why the and it's really important that affirmation comes from a place of truth.

00;25;02;17 - 00;25;24;06
Yes. So again, a lot of the research that I did, a lot of research that I did, on the topic of self-esteem, is that if you don't develop that self-esteem on a foundation of truth, right. You actually develop more of what we would call, like this unhealthy, unstable tendencies towards narcissism. The millennial generation my generation is famous for.

00;25;24;19 - 00;25;46;18
Right. This entitlement of like, I'm just good at things because I was told that I'm good at them without actually having the skill. And you don't develop the people skills that you should be developing. You don't develop the actual competence skills. And so it's really important that when we affirm the identity, you know that identity too. But just in affirm the image that that our kids have of themselves, that it's based in reality.

00;25;46;20 - 00;26;03;17
Yeah. Hey, you know what? Like, for example, maybe they're not the best martial artist. You don't have to say you're the best martial artist. Would you say you work really hard? Yeah, you you are. You have such great perseverance. You are, You have such good courage. You know, and we reaffirm those things because they're going to own that identity more and more.

00;26;03;19 - 00;26;22;10
That's so true. So I think teachers around the world hate that phrase. Great effort. I think we all hate it. Or like I don't just say great ever the worst. But I think fine. Like you just said different ways to spending on it because it is a big part of it. Yeah. You know because you don't want to just be like, hey, all right, slip my punch.

00;26;22;10 - 00;26;39;16
And they don't slip and I punch beside their head, right? And I'm like, oh, great, that doesn't actually no, they have gained nothing. I've failed them if I do that. Yeah. And that's what's so cool. I mean, about our leadership team is that I get to teach those kids how to do what we're doing. Yes. And pass that same thing on to.

00;26;39;18 - 00;26;54;08
Yes. We can spin and hold on ever. So we will. We need so I will I will did it too much. But it's, it's a it's the truth is so important. Yes. And to be like you know what. You weren't listening today. Yeah. But I see you're listening to me now. And I am so excited about that.

00;26;54;10 - 00;27;13;54
Yeah. And I'm proud of you for what you did today. I know you were listening earlier and that was not good and that was disrespectful. However, now you are trying to listen to me and I see that you're trying to listen to me. So now I know you. Can you just show me you can. So let's work together and try a little harder today when you go home with your dad and you know next class.

00;27;13;59 - 00;27;31;56
Think you're up for that dude and those kind of conversations. Yeah. It's I'm speaking that truth into them just like you said. Sure. Yeah. We're we're like, this is who they are. It's not ignoring what happened. Yeah. It's not lying to them. But it's encouraging them in the truth. Yeah. And be like this is what you can be today.

00;27;32;09 - 00;27;35;29
Yeah. How can you make the next right choice.

00;27;35;46 - 00;27;51;51
Hey, everyone. Thanks for joining our podcast today. And, Chandler, thanks for being a part of, today's episode. And, you know, if you're interested in, free trial class and you live in the San Diego area, we have a studio in Rancho Bernardo and in Carlsbad, you guys can take advantage of a free class. Also, don't forget to subscribe to our podcast.

00;27;51;52 - 00;27;58;05
We do put out an episode about once a month, and, Yeah. Thanks, everyone, for tuning in. We'll see you next time.